my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
