Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
