i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
