those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
