They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
