My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
