yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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