So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
