what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
