i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
