I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
