I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
