worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
