I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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