My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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