i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
