i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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