That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
