i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
