:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
