Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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