worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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