So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
