Do vagina's smell?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
