you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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