Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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