I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
