drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
