i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
