It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
