Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
