I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
