"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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