the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
