So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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