You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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