the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
