I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
