i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
