I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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