I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
