went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
