Tell her she can't have a vagina
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
