I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
