I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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