Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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