cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
