So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
