dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
