I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
