You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
