I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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